REVELATIONS AND REVELRY

First of all – I am BETTER! I feel incredibly different, I must have had a low-lying infection and been ill for weeks. I can’t believe the difference that the antibiotics have made. Well that and a few decent nights sleep. Which is just as well because it meant that I could fully enjoy last night! Wow! What an amazing time I had! I expected it to be good but not that good. It was more like a social drinks party than an author event. There were several reasons why it was so good; firstly Waterstones had put an awful lot of effort into organising the evening. This was the first time that anything like this had been attempted and they were keen to make it a success. There had been lots of publicity and general drumming up of interest going on. One of the other authors, children’s writer Ali Sparkes, had been on BBC Radio Solent that afternoon to generate interest as well. And the atmosphere was really good, the staff were lovely and all the authors were full of enthusiasm. There were ten of us altogether: Ron Clooney for the thriller genre, Alex Bell in the dark fantasy/sci-fi genre, Ali Sparkes, Andrew Norris and another lady who all write for children, Alex Hibbert who has written a book about his polar exploration exploits (and blimey, it sounds mad but amazing. He ski-ed 100 miles in ten days on NO FOOD. A storm destroyed the food supplies they had left which they didn’t know until they got there so they had no choice. All credit to the guy.) And apart from that there were a couple of local history authors and me of course, alone in the chick-lit genre, for which I quickly became very grateful.

We all met in the staffroom prior to the event for drinks and a chat and to get to know one another briefly. The choices of drinks were: water, tea, coffee, squash, red wine or white wine. I wavered slightly but then eventually went for…..guess what…..yes you are right – a small glass of white wine. Which went straight to my head after having not drunk anything for days. So I quickly had to drink an awful lot of water as being tipsy and signing books is NOT a good thing. And I know because I’ve done it. Not in bookshops I hasten to add, but at dinner parties and that sort of thing for friends. I expect to see them popping up on eBay in the future. I wasn’t the only one who drank wine by the way, at least 50% of the authors did, it’s obviously an integral part of being a writer. So after that we were given our lovely name tags and then all taken onto the shop floor, and as we were going up the escalator Ron said to me “So what do you write then?”

“Chick-lit,” I replied (because it’s just easier). And he responded with “Well the stuff I write is more sex-lit than anything else.” Which meant that I was unattractively snorting with laughter as I took up my position at our stand. Myself, Ron and Alex were grouped together right by the door, we did have the best position in the whole shop; where we were is where they put all their major authors for signings. I don’t know why, just the luck of the draw I guess. The others were grouped together in their various sections further back in the shop, which I gather didn’t really work well for them as they fairly quickly came forward to stand right by the other shop entrance, presumably to garner more interest.

We didn’t have a problem with interest though and that was because we had Ron on our table. The man is an absolute master at his art and incredible to watch. He drew the crowds like you wouldn’t believe and easily sold the most books in the evening. He’s a lovely person, a real raconteur with a fabulous sense of humour and those combined along with his determination give him his success. Or they did last night anyway. He literally grabbed any person that passed by, male or female, and said “Do you fancy a really good thriller?” and whatever their response was he had an answer for it. For example, a few people said “Oh no, I don’t like thrillers,” to which he replied “That’s because you haven’t read a good one yet. Here, look at this,” – hands them a book – “the first print run sold out in twelve weeks….” etc., etc. He wasn’t pushy or overbearing, despite being unashamedly selling his work. It was a real skill and beautiful to watch. Of course it made Alex and I feel quite inadequate as both of us were the more ‘hanging back’ sort, which didn’t matter because Ron would then go on to say “And here also tonight are Sarah Haynes with her chick-lit novel and Alex Bell with her dark fantasy writing,” which effectively did the introductions for us. But after a few minutes of watching Ron I decided there was nothing else for it and became a lot more forward – which paid off. I did something which I’ve never done before and approached a customer who was browsing the shelves. We had a quick chat during which I basically introduced myself and said “Look, even if my book’s not your sort of thing I know the genre pretty well and can probably help you find something.” And about fifteen minutes later she came to look at my book – and bought it! Out of all of Waterstones she chose Things He Never Knew. I was very pleased. It’s such a learning curve and I’m glad to have started to make some sort of impression on it.

Overall, I think I sold 7/8 books, which doesn’t sound like much but we were only there for two hours so it equates to one every fifteen minutes which is what it felt like. And I also didn’t have friends/family turning up so it was a case of relying on the general public to be interested. Which they were! I was glad to be alone in my genre because of the lack of competition. Everyone gets fiercely competitive at these sorts of events, it really is every man for himself, and rightly so – as authors this is our livelihood and reputation that we’re protecting. Which is why it was so decent of Ron to include us in his general spiel, although the only reason he could and did do that was because we were no competition to him.

And the people that I spoke to last night were lovely without exception. One man stands out in my mind because we had the following conversation, as he picked up my book:

“Chick-lit? What’s that?”

“Commercial fiction aimed primarily at women.”

“Why? What sort of stuff do you write about?”

“Generally the plots will involve love, romance, drama, emotions with a female central character.”

“Doesn’t mean men can’t read it.”

“No,” I agreed.

He studied the book for a while before saying suddenly “You could be the next Jilly Cooper.”

“Er, well, no, my writing’s probably less racy than that.”

“So there’s no sex in this?”

“No.”

“Oh. Shame. You should put some in, it would sell better.”

“I’ll – er – bear it in mind.”

“Give it a bit more oomph.”

“Yes.”

And then he said “I’d have bought it if had sex in it,” threw it on the table and walked away. I suppose it didn’t help that I was based right next to the erotica section which might have given him the idea in the first place. By accident or design I couldn’t tell.

So I had a very lovely evening with great company and the only bad thing I can say about it was that I had to miss “I’m A Celebrity…..” which I can watch on catch-up so it isn’t even that bad. The whole experience left me with a lot more confidence about book-signings and gave me a real idea of the best way to do things. And I suppose one of the most important things to take away from the evening is that I should definitely be writing more sex-lit. Watch this space.

my nametag

This will be a short post because I am writing it from my sickbed. Well, not literally, as a few of you will know a bed with sick on it is possibly the LAST place on earth you would find me due to my emetophobia. I don’t much enjoy this time of year actually because it seems like every other day someone becomes ill with a D&V bug. About 40% of the status updates on Facebook read “So and so has been up all night vomiting” which sends a shiver of fear through me. And make me do things which I consider totally normal but when mentioned to a psychiatrist are not, apparently. Things like going out less in case we pick up any germs; being totally paranoid about my children touching any surfaces whilst we’re out – and don’t get me started on public toilets. If I need to take the girls to one the first thing I say is “DON’T. TOUCH. ANYTHING.” And I mean it. Literally. My grandmother refused to use them and we all thought she was being overly fussy at the time, but I completely see her point now. I also become obsessive about hand-washing, in the highest temperature water that can be tolerated. And this general paranoia spills over into checking and re-checking that food has been properly cooked…..all this because of a few winter bugs floating about – do you see why I need treatment?! I can’t even watch the bit on “I’m A Celebrity…..” where they have to eat ghastly things. I’m filled with unbearable nerves and tension from the moment the trial starts and I have to mute it. My husband gets very fed up with watching the television in silence. And just quickly – Nigel Havers – what a star!!!! Unexpectedly, he has just made the whole programme for me. I probably wouldn’t even have started watching it had I not been ill, but I have now and I’m hooked. He just makes me laugh so much, he’s a good sport and brillant fun. Who else would admit that they were “Yearning for female company…..yearning I tell you.” How candid. I hope he wins, I think it will be either him or Shaun Ryder.

Anyway, back to what is actually wrong with me – I have a kidney infection. Which isn’t too bad apart from the pain, which is atrocious. It’s like being in labour. On the plus side I do get to spend whole days in bed, reading, which I wouldn’t be able to justify otherwise. It was my eldest daughters ninth birthday at the weekend and I think the celebrations took their toll on me. It would have helped if she hadn’t got up at 5:15am, of course, but it felt a bit mean to send her back to bed on her birthday. It’s only one day a year after all and hey – who needs sleep?? Not my daughter, certainly. So we were up unwrapping presents, playing with balloons, drinking tea, eating croissants and pancakes at some ungodly hour on Sunday morning. Whilst my husband muttered obscenities to himself in the corner because we’d given him the task of constructing the Build-a-Bear wardrobe that she’d received as a gift. It was only because no-one would do it as well as him, of course, I said. It is not as easy as it looks, I was told. In not the nicest way, I must say. From there we went to the Build-A-Bear shop in Southampton for her party, which she enjoyed and I did not. So I went round the corner to Waterstones where I found this poster:

Waterstones Christmas Event Poster

As it says, myself and a few other authors are participating in a Local Author event to kick-start Christmas shopping. I love signing books anyway and the fact that I get to do it with other authors is even better. 5:30-7:30pm at Waterstones in West Quay in Southampton on Thursday 18^th November. It was touch and go whether I’d make it at the beginning of the week, but thanks to my lorry-load of antibiotics and excessive consumption of orange squash I shall be fine. I tell you, I don’t even dare drink tea or coffee at the moment,  never mind my beloved wine. That’s how bad it is.

I intend to spend the rest of today making the most of being ill and reading all possible coverage of the Royal engagement announcement. It’s so exciting! Though I do feel a bit sorry for anyone else having their wedding in 2011 or – horrors! – the same day …..you really can’t compete with a Prince.

Firstly, apologies for the vast length of time that I have allowed to pass since my last ‘personal’ blog. The only excuse I can offer is that half term hijacked my brain and it hasn’t been until now that I’ve managed to lure it home. Funny how you need a holiday to recover from school holidays isn’t it? It’s all very nice in theory – not having to get up, not having to iron uniform, plenty of opportunity – nay, need – for trips to the zoo, swimming pool, cinema, etc. However the reality of hearing the word “Mummy” 57 times a minute always takes me by surprise. But the one that really gets me is  “Mummy, can you watch me do XYZ?” For everything. It may not be a watchable activity, I’m talking about searching for crayons, choosing clothes, etc., but my eldest daughter will want me to watch her do it. Or better still is the often-asked question: “Did you watch me?” I’m her parent, not her personal spectator. Although that may not be how the school judge me; no sooner is she back in the place then they announce a new initiative whereby you can come in and ‘observe’ (or ‘watch’ as it’s otherwise known) their individual music lessons. Which of course prompted the inevitable question this morning: “Mummy, can you watch my violin lesson today?” It was unfortunate that Sainsburys conspired against the school by restricting their available delivery times and thus prevented me from doing so. Shame.

One thing that has really caught my interest  recently is the spate of articles that have appeared over the last few days as the Harry Potter films come to an end and Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson are released from their time as Harry, Ron and Hermione. It was quite fascinating learning about how the films were made, and where and how long it all took. And in addition quite how much money the three main actors have earned. Millions, needless to say. I think Daniel Radcliffe alone is worth £40 million. Great, in theory. He’s barely in his twenties and yet he need never work again. He has more money than he could ever spend in his lifetime. And probably those of the children he may go on to have. Emma Watson and Rupert Grint are in a similar position. But is this a good thing? Is it really so wonderful for an individual to be in the position where they need never work again so early in their life? Most – if not all – people in these economically straightened times would probably say yes, it is a wonderful thing and how lucky they are. But I suspect otherwise. It will take an enormous amount of self-discipline for those three people to maintain focus on their lives, to have a structure to their week and not drift into any of the temptations that will inevitably fall into their paths. They need never get out of bed again, they can spend their lives on the slopes of Gstaad or the beaches of the Seychelles – they could probably buy their own slopes and beaches – but I don’t think this is necessarily a good thing. Is it not far better for a person to be anchored by the demands of life? The Government clearly agree with me  (which is always nice) judging by the scheme they’ve just announced  whereby those who have opted for a ‘life on benefits’ are to be forced to work for set hours each week to teach them the self-discipline and skills required to hold down a job. Interesting juxtaposition between being entirely dependent on state welfare and having more money than you could ever spend, but the risks are potentially the same.

The problem that I see for these three actors, and for anyone else in a similarly privileged position, is that there’s nothing left that they need to achieve in life. Professionally and financially – they’ve made it. Of course they will all have their individual aims but whereas most young adults are forced into making sensible decisions by the pressure of having to work, whether that be purely in terms of earning money or by gaining qualifications for a career, the risk for the Harry Potter crowd is that because they don’t have this they will drift, make unwise decisions and suffer personally as a consequence. Examples of this flood into the media all the time; Macauley Culkin – who went from being a celebrated and revered child actor to being an extremely troubled adult. The socialites who become drug-dependent.  Emma Watson is the only one of the three to take A-Levels and go on to University. She was also the only one of the three who did not have her parents on set with her. And she wasn’t told until she was eighteen how much she was worth. She now comes across as a focussed, driven person and a potential success story for having spent ten years as a child, teenager and young adult locked into a pretend world. Which is of course the other issue which could be argued to be a bad thing. The social aspect. If you remove a normal school routine, normal peer groups and essentially normal life and replace it by teenage years spent in draughty aircraft hangars, fighting dragons, that must have enormous and lasting consequences for a child. Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson both experienced bullying-type behaviour and Emma has now opted to study in the USA to avoid recognition, and speaks openly about struggling to know how best to make friends.  None of these things are a substantial argument against taking the Harry Potter kind of roles that catapault children into superstardom, but I do think it’s important to recognise the negative aspects as well. Whether this will bother any of them as they buy their fourth home on Mustique is an entirely separate question.

But there is of course another benefit to starring in these films. Quite aside from the worldwide fame and the millions of pounds lodging with Coutts, there is something else which is a truly amazing thing to have. And this is that when Daniel, Emma and Rupert ask their parents “Did you  watch me?” – the answer will be a resounding YES.